A Day in the Life of Tammy and her Genitals

Getting a bit sick and tired of a debate I’m currently in with a woman who keeps bringing genitals into it as an excuse to be rather Transphobic and nasty. She seems to be following this genital obsessed stereotype of a radical ‘Feminist’* with great gusto, accusing Trans people of merely ‘apeing’ the opposite sex. Well, for the benefit of those who would agree with her, I would like to explain my average day ‘APEING’ a woman and how my genitals factor into it.

1) Wake up in the morning and check my correspondence on my laptop. (Please note: I operate the laptop with my hands, not my genitals.)

2) General ablutions (Yes, in the interest of hygiene, the genitals come briefly into play for cleaning and secondary functions. However I do grip my toothbrush with my hand, not with my genitals).

3) Make breakfast. My favourite quick breakfast is ‘Primula Cheese Spread with Chives’, spread thick on hot wholemeal toast. (Please note: I spread the cheese with a knife, not with my genitals). I may sometimes however, have a boiled egg with a runny yolk into which I will dip strips of wholemeal toast (not my genitals).

4) Run any errands that need running, either on foot if local, or by car if a little further away (Please note: I do not steer the car, nor operate the gear lever, handbrake or pedals with my genitals).

5) Settle down to write. Be it a Blog article, Novel Revisions, a few scenes of a screenplay or just editing some previous work, I’ll sit there for several hours just bashing away at the keys in the vain hopes something good appears on the page (Please note, I find that good things are more likely to appear on the page if I bash the keys with my fingers, not my genitals).

6) Lunch: Usually a quick sandwich with a spicy filling (vegetarian friendly and genital free).

7) Watching a bit of Television to inspire or distract from the ups and downs of writing, and flicking until I find something befitting my mood (Please Note: It is more effective to flick through TV channels with a remote control than with your genitals as they prove ultimately unable to change the channel).

8) Socialising: Human interaction is important for sanity and remaining well adjusted, providing one of the few reliable constants in a world that can be cruel and daunting. Recent studies show that this can be done without having to use your genitals.

9) Dicking about on the internet: Despite what the name suggests, there is seldom any genital involvement in this activity.

10) Sleep. To Sleep, per chance to dream (though rarely about my genitals… someone else’s on the other hand…).

So there we go. Despite the stereotype that we Trans people are genital obsessed, I would describe my relationship with mine as more ‘Ships in the night’. Do my genitals feel sad or neglected by this relationship? Not really. They get enough attention from busybodies and perverts I’m sure to not feel left out.


*Feminism is a philosophy of equal rights  and respect, and of standing up against arbitrary values on a human being based on their genitialia. This radfem movement may have the same name, but it is a sick inversion of that philosophy where the Trans community is used as a hate arm. I’m looking at YOU Julie Burchill and Germaine Greer and all your other little cronies. I am a feminist, they are dicks (I use that word deliberately)!


1 Comment

Filed under genitals, humour, LGBT, Transgender, Transsexual

One response to “A Day in the Life of Tammy and her Genitals

  1. Charlie

    Yes I don’t the obsession with our privates, but their privates and private lives are off limits. Say what?! Other than how I use the can, my life is pretty normal, too. I find I t’s straight, cis folk are far more sex-obsessed than anyone in the glbt community. Oy vey.