So, new start, new me and all that. Actually, rewind.
In February, I was in a situation where I felt I had no choice except between ending my two year relationship with my now ex-partner, or having to have the local mental health crisis team called out AGAIN to peel me off the floor, and this time I would have most likely found myself sectioned. I’m not going to go into any great detail as to what happened between us, or blaming and shaming, but it is important to have context.
For most of those two years my hair had been red, with the odd short-lived foray into chestnut or ginger. Well this time I was determined to do something fresh and go blonde. So here it is.
Yes, the remaining red dye has left a slight red tinge but you know what? I actually really like it. So, it seems, do the gentlemen on certain dating sites.
Right now I am not looking for anyone, I am too busy looking for myself and being happy with who I am to give much of a crap about pleasing anybody else, but one can make good friends regardless on these sites. I am currently chatting to a teacher from Birmingham who is rather lovely, and always has something intelligent or interesting to say.
However, others are not quite so verbally dexterous. Changing my profile picture to one with my current hair colour has indeed attracted far more attention than my previous dark red haired guise.
So far I have had a dozen very graphic requests for immediate meet-ups, several other Transwomen messaging me to tell me that I am beautiful, guys messaging me with relevent comments about the actual words on my profile, not just the photo (much appreciated fellas), one very angry man who seems to feel entitled to a woman’s time should he want it, and, just now, a young chap in Ireland who asked, out of the blue, if I wanted to watch him suck his own cock.
During a visit to Holmfirth the other day, I found myself very popular with the locals in a lovely little pub I know, whereas in the same place last year with my hair dark I never so much as received a second look.
Is it that Blondes really do have more fun? Or is it just that we’re more hi-viz than our dark haired counterparts? I don’t know how I feel about this added visibility but so far people looking at me more has failed to elicit any specific Transphobic response, which is a plus, although the extra conspicuousness has seemingly led some to be more sexually aggressive which I am not at all keen on.
Right now it feels good to look in the mirror and see myself kinda reborn and renewed from the desolate wreckage of a person I had become, but it is also reassuring to know that anonymity is merely a bottle away.